OMG

It's amazing what life will do to a blog! I'm sorry, readers.

We decided to go to the beach this weekend and we just got home. And of course, yours truly forgot her camera. But it's ok. It was an entire weekend full of, ready? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And it was fucking glorious. Seriously. We got there on Friday and it was in the middle of the windstorm (which is typical) and set everything up. Emily immediately got in to the water and played for over two hours. Hot dogs were put on marshmallow pokers and roasted to crispy perfection and then I looked at the stars while The Girlfriend did some night fishing.

On Saturday morning we woke up and set up the shades (it had been too windy for that the night before) and then cooked up some breakfast burritos. Then Emily played in the water for the entire day while The Girlfriend fished and I went back and forth from the water to lying in the sun to sitting in the shade and feeling the breeze on my skin. There was lunch, and snacks, and Emily took a nap in the sand under the shade, and there was dinner and s'mores and the kid in bed and more night fishing and kissing under the moonlight. It was amazing. And it was just what I needed.

Even more amazing is that there were NO INJURIES. Two trips ago, The Girlfriend was trying to teach me to chop wood. Well, hi, I'm a city girl. Through and through. Do you need to know how to take a bus somewhere? What neighborhoods you can't wear what colors in? How about the best Greek food hole in the wall? Oh! Oh! Or how about how to get out of a ticket? Or what alleys to run down to escape cops? I can tell you all of those things. Now, things like driving a stick-shift, camping, or ever being used to seeing wild animals casually strolling along? I don't know how to do.

I tried to learn to drive a stick. And honestly, I just have no interest. It's as simple as that. I know it's a useful skill, but I'm over trying. It doesn't work. Something about using both feet simultaneously just doesn't click with my brain chemistry. Camping? I have found out that I LOVE CAMPING. It turns out that I'm down to get a little dirty and sit around a fire. The wild animal thing still throws me, but anyway. The Girlfriend was trying to teach me to chop wood. So we had this piece of it on top of a stump and she was showing me how to hold the axe. Our friend was also trying to teach me. So between the two of them I got two conflicting sets of instructions and I tried to mesh the two and after comPLETELY missing the wood, I chopped the end of my flip flop and almost cut off my toe. Literally.

(Lessons learned: 1) Don't make city girls attempt this shit. 2) Wear closed-toe shoes when using sharp objects. 3) Don't ever, ever trust Melissa with swinging sharp objects, especially after she's been given two different sets of instructions.)

Now, last trip, The Girlfriend broke her pinky toe. While her injuries are usually sustained because of overuse of adult beverages, this particular injury wasn't. The boys on the trip had been playing horse shoes and left the stakes in the sand. In the pitch black. The Girlfriend was running to her fishing pole and ran in to the stake. The toe at the bottom joint stuck out at a 90 degree angle and then the middle joint pointed straight down. It immediately started to swell. Now, The Girlfriend has some monkey toes. Like she could peel a banana, paint a picture, and cook with her toes. When this happened? Her pinky toe resembled my Flinstone toes. So she hobbles over to me and whispers "Um, I think I sprained my toe. Can you look?" So I look and then between three people, we pop her toe back in to place. Now, a full month later, it's almost back down to regular size. (Also on that trip, she cut her hand, bruised her back and arm, and burned her thigh. All of those injuries were, in fact, her fault.)

So this trip, NO INJURIES! was a very very good thing. I'm actually kind of amazed. And now, I have a ton of shit on the floor next to me, shit that needs to get put away but won't until tomorrow. I have a baby upstairs watching Snow White and I have a mouth full of teeth that need brushing.

I'll write more. I promise.