I'm doing homework and so have very little time to update at the moment. However, I think that it is imperative that all US citizens read the Stupak Amendment, which has been conveniently tucked into the Health Care bill that is currently being debated.
Someday I will have more time to write about politics! As for right now, I'm scared of the country that my daughter will grow up, the country that I want to contribute to as a teacher and the country that I really believe in. Believed. I'm not sure which tense to use.
Scary shit.
Nov 22, 2009
Let The Sunshine In
I wish that were metaphorical, ha. But alas, no, LITERAL. I've been sitting on my computer for the last hour or so, doing lots of Very Important Things (ahem, meaning I got ALL OF MY HOMEWORK DONE because I would never sit here and add some touches to my dream house on The Sims, or read other bloggers, or compare prices on mineral makeup or stare at my homework calendar and turn it backwards so it would stop yelling PROCRASTINATOR at me) while Natalie got ready for work and Emily played upstairs.
Natalie, if you recall, is one of my best friends in the Universe. She is commonly introduced as my sister, is known to Emily as "Auntie" and is Emily's godmother. She lives in a town, which is a word I use loosely for the place she lives as it isn't really a town but is more a conglomeration of condos and hot weather, about three hours away from me and she comes here on the weekends. Having her here is wonderful, because she loves Emily so much and it's really good for Emily to have some family here.
Emily has been testing limits lately, like, you know, every three year old on the planet. The Awesome Neighbors' daughter has recently begun a home decorating business, one that focuses on large, uneven circles on the lower parts of the walls as a means of opening up rooms and making them more welcoming. Emily doesn't test like that. She's a little OCD and honestly, I'm ok with that. She likes things clean, likes to clean messes, and is meticulous with making sure things are "how they should be." Emily's way of testing limits is with her mouth. She has an attitude and when I say attitude, I mean a three-word ahh- tih- TUDE. She is known to stand in front of her mirror and tell herself off as a means of practicing for telling her babies off. She throws words around just to see if she can and she shakes her hips while walking more competently than most drag queens I've known. She makes faces, rolls her eyes, throws her hands up and yells "FINE!" and is in every way a teenager. I'm pretty sure that she's sneaking out at night in clothes I don't approve of to kiss boys and eat pot brownies.
I think I'd prefer she color on the walls.
Anyway, last night The Girlfriend and I went on a date night (which is a story for later, because it was just a series of hilarious unfortunate events) and while we were gone, Emily tried out lying to Auntie Nat to see if she could. Fortunately, Auntie Nat is no idiot and called her on it immediately. I suck at conclusions. But I can't believe that Emily did that. My sweet, sweet baby is WAY to smart for her own good. And she lied just to see if she would get caught. I thought I wouldn't start dealing with this stuff until she was thirteen or so.
Natalie, if you recall, is one of my best friends in the Universe. She is commonly introduced as my sister, is known to Emily as "Auntie" and is Emily's godmother. She lives in a town, which is a word I use loosely for the place she lives as it isn't really a town but is more a conglomeration of condos and hot weather, about three hours away from me and she comes here on the weekends. Having her here is wonderful, because she loves Emily so much and it's really good for Emily to have some family here.
Emily has been testing limits lately, like, you know, every three year old on the planet. The Awesome Neighbors' daughter has recently begun a home decorating business, one that focuses on large, uneven circles on the lower parts of the walls as a means of opening up rooms and making them more welcoming. Emily doesn't test like that. She's a little OCD and honestly, I'm ok with that. She likes things clean, likes to clean messes, and is meticulous with making sure things are "how they should be." Emily's way of testing limits is with her mouth. She has an attitude and when I say attitude, I mean a three-word ahh- tih- TUDE. She is known to stand in front of her mirror and tell herself off as a means of practicing for telling her babies off. She throws words around just to see if she can and she shakes her hips while walking more competently than most drag queens I've known. She makes faces, rolls her eyes, throws her hands up and yells "FINE!" and is in every way a teenager. I'm pretty sure that she's sneaking out at night in clothes I don't approve of to kiss boys and eat pot brownies.
I think I'd prefer she color on the walls.
Anyway, last night The Girlfriend and I went on a date night (which is a story for later, because it was just a series of hilarious unfortunate events) and while we were gone, Emily tried out lying to Auntie Nat to see if she could. Fortunately, Auntie Nat is no idiot and called her on it immediately. I suck at conclusions. But I can't believe that Emily did that. My sweet, sweet baby is WAY to smart for her own good. And she lied just to see if she would get caught. I thought I wouldn't start dealing with this stuff until she was thirteen or so.
Nov 21, 2009
Honestly.
I really don't know what to write in here sometimes. I have a lot to say, a lot that I'm feeling and going through and wanting to share, but not a way to do it. I can't write about work on here (as learned by one Heather B. Armstrong at dooce.com), I can't write too much personal stuff, but think I need to find a way around that.
I'm publishing a zine in one of my classes. I was a little more excited about it before than I am now, because now the work is creeping up on me and it's a little scary. Also, we didn't get as many submissions as I wish we had gotten. That sucks.
There's a story I turned in to my professor because we had something due, but I explained that it is absolutely NOT something that I could ever publish online at this juncture. It's about Emily's dad. I didn't know it was going to be written, but it was and it's honest. However, honestly, I'm learning that I need to be more careful with what I put out there. I'm considering deleting my facebook, I never use my myspace, and I'm getting a little sick of the whole public social networking thing. And then, when I'm super bored I sit back and think that I'm going crazy in a very real way if I'm actually considering deleting my facebook account.
Which brings it down to this. The theme of the post. Honestly, I have been going a little crazy. Quietly, slowly, calmly crazy. Not out loud, except for the brief outbursts at whoever pisses me off with whatever little thing when the wind blows northwest at 4.9 miles an hour. Then the wind changes direction and I'm not angry anymore, and I obsess about the oversharing I've probably done and then I wonder why I can't just update my damn blog. There have been doctor visits regarding this elusive pain in my head, which they think is a nerve/muscle/stress thing. I have an entire pharmacy on my kitchen counter and am only taking one thing, Neurontin. Some anti-seizure medication that apparently helps with nerves.
I'm trying to suck up the courage to call the doctor and admit that I think I have some head stuff going on that I need some help with. That for me is so ridiculously difficult. I've been reading Dooce.com for years and have so much respect for her candor and honesty. And I sit here and wonder why I can't do that. I want to share a story that doesn't often get shared and I want to be able to be honest about what's going on with me. And I think that's part of the problem: that honesty is terrifying. I'm the person who is always, always fine. Always there to help whenever I can, always available for a phone call and always willing to drop everything to be ok. And lately, I have nothing. No more to give. And, honestly (word over-use, I know) I don't care. I don't care that I can't be everything for everyone. I don't want to be. I don't want to change my life, I don't want to change what I'm doing, things I'm trying to do with my daughter so that I can give her a different life. This post is going nowhere, because my head is a mindfuck.
I've always been a little scared of going public. What are the ramifications of all of that? Who could I hurt? What could happen? I'm not trying to out-Dooce anyone, in any way. But I need to be a little more open. I'm trying to find the balance between my being able to be open without hurting those who don't need to be hurt. I'll find it, and then I'll update more.
Who loves Glee?
I'm publishing a zine in one of my classes. I was a little more excited about it before than I am now, because now the work is creeping up on me and it's a little scary. Also, we didn't get as many submissions as I wish we had gotten. That sucks.
There's a story I turned in to my professor because we had something due, but I explained that it is absolutely NOT something that I could ever publish online at this juncture. It's about Emily's dad. I didn't know it was going to be written, but it was and it's honest. However, honestly, I'm learning that I need to be more careful with what I put out there. I'm considering deleting my facebook, I never use my myspace, and I'm getting a little sick of the whole public social networking thing. And then, when I'm super bored I sit back and think that I'm going crazy in a very real way if I'm actually considering deleting my facebook account.
Which brings it down to this. The theme of the post. Honestly, I have been going a little crazy. Quietly, slowly, calmly crazy. Not out loud, except for the brief outbursts at whoever pisses me off with whatever little thing when the wind blows northwest at 4.9 miles an hour. Then the wind changes direction and I'm not angry anymore, and I obsess about the oversharing I've probably done and then I wonder why I can't just update my damn blog. There have been doctor visits regarding this elusive pain in my head, which they think is a nerve/muscle/stress thing. I have an entire pharmacy on my kitchen counter and am only taking one thing, Neurontin. Some anti-seizure medication that apparently helps with nerves.
I'm trying to suck up the courage to call the doctor and admit that I think I have some head stuff going on that I need some help with. That for me is so ridiculously difficult. I've been reading Dooce.com for years and have so much respect for her candor and honesty. And I sit here and wonder why I can't do that. I want to share a story that doesn't often get shared and I want to be able to be honest about what's going on with me. And I think that's part of the problem: that honesty is terrifying. I'm the person who is always, always fine. Always there to help whenever I can, always available for a phone call and always willing to drop everything to be ok. And lately, I have nothing. No more to give. And, honestly (word over-use, I know) I don't care. I don't care that I can't be everything for everyone. I don't want to be. I don't want to change my life, I don't want to change what I'm doing, things I'm trying to do with my daughter so that I can give her a different life. This post is going nowhere, because my head is a mindfuck.
I've always been a little scared of going public. What are the ramifications of all of that? Who could I hurt? What could happen? I'm not trying to out-Dooce anyone, in any way. But I need to be a little more open. I'm trying to find the balance between my being able to be open without hurting those who don't need to be hurt. I'll find it, and then I'll update more.
Who loves Glee?
Nov 13, 2009
Headdesk
Emily and I are sitting here on the couch watching The Wizard of Oz.
Me: "Dorothy's gonna follow that yellow road to see the Wizard of Oz."
Emily:"You mean the Wizards of Waverly Place?"
I think she seriously expects Selena Gomez to appear on the road with fashionable clothes and witty remarks, casting spells and flipping her hair.
Nov 12, 2009
Nov 11, 2009
Nov 9, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)