Today I feel like writing a little. I haven't felt it lately. Well, I've felt the urge to get my words out of my head and down somewhere else, but haven't had the drive... the ability.
On Thursday I had a small explatory surgery to look for endometriosis and any signs of anything bigger. I've had this gynocological symptom set for years. Abnormal and excessive bloating, general pelvic pain and pressure, localized pelvic pain and pressure on the lower right side that ranges from the daily (which is a pressure with a few stabs) to the severe (consistent and lasting stabbing/burning), the complete inability to poop that every GI doctor in the universe has failed to find a cause for, general pain in areas that if I were to specifically mention would cause me to have to put an age warning on my blog, and random and varied periods. My Aunt referred me to her gyno and ZOMG he actually listened to me.
So I went in and now have a bruised and second-trimester-esque belly to show for it, along with shoulder pain that is painful. I'm not a wimp, nor am I a hypochondriac in the slightest. I'm the girl that hates Tylenol. But holy shit. Ow. I try to keep in mind that many people I know in my internet life experience excruciating pain most days of the year, but that thought has not helped my own pain go away. So. Cameras went in through my belly button, above my right and left hip and internally. A golf-ball-sized cyst was removed from my right ovary and...
Nothing was found. Nothing. No endometriosis, no irregularities, no scarring, nothing. Which is good, right? Especially given my own personal history and my family history, both myself and the gyno were expecting to find moderate endo and wouldn't have been surprised by some other irregularities. And nothing. Which, I'm thankful for. So thankful. So thankful to have a doctor that is paying attention to me instead of laughing, so blessed to have found a doctor in COWBOY COUNTRY that told me I am the owner of my body and am the only person qualified or entitled to make decisions about it, and so beyond relieved that my CA125 (a blood test commonly used as a semi-reliable tumor marker, particularly with ovarian cancer patients) was at an incredibly normal and healthy 8. So thankful. Relieved that I'm not facing some diagnosis.
However. Now what? I'm too educated to believe that all of these symptoms were caused by one small cyst. And what of the others? The constant headache? The dizzy spells? The un-explained grey matter revealed on an MRI from two years ago? The back spasms? I've done so many things in my life. I've changed my eating habits (though, if I'm being honest, I've consumed far too many brownies over the past few months with my excuse being that brownies aren't as bad as whiskey), I've lost a whopping 70 pounds in four years and will lose another twenty in the next 6-12 months. I'm working on the smoking. I'm looking for a shrink. I've become more honest with myself and others, I've found my belief system, I try to sleep. I have rid my life of the passionate but toxic relationship I had with my very own personal and genuine alcoholic. I've been working on my own recovery for several months in that area. I've done all of the things I can do short of the next, more extreme steps that I'm not willing to take at this time (along the lines of living on raw and home-made juice, or giving up steak or magically finding Jesus). Why are all of these things present?
I'm stressing and I know I am. I'm always stressing. Stress is my comfort-zone, as evidenced by how fucking manic and weird I get when things seem to get easier. I'm ok with the personality traits that make me who I am, regardless of whatever diagnoses head doctors like to make when I open my mouth.
Speaking of head doctors, I recently did a small interview on film with a friend who does work for the National Alliance on Mental Illness about awareness and stigma. It's pretty exciting and scary, to think of my face on something that I hope will get out of this world big. But that's another post.
That's what's going on right now. I have all of these "other posts" that get written, sort of, in my head. That I never have time for, energy for. Today, I'm missing my Madre. Not that sick woman. This may sound harsh, but I don't miss her. I'm happy that woman is out of pain and out of that body. But my Mama, Madre, Mamita. All of the things she was that made me use different names for her. I'm missing her bad today because I want to talk to her. My Dad fulfills other roles in my life, wonderful ones that only he can fill. And my family here, I'm overwhelmed by them and their love and closeness. I'm thrilled that I feel like finally finally I am becoming a part of it. But my Mom, I just, I can't explain it. I'm missing her bad right now.
Earlier today I was thinking about when I was younger. We sat out on the lawn with two bottles of White Zin and laughed and talked about all of the serious things that were going on in my friends' lives. Teenage pregnancy, drugs, an OD, a death, all of the things that regularly afflict teenage lives. And now, I want to be sitting on my porch with two bottles of Moscato and talking about what's going on in my life. I just miss her today, bad. Emmy dreams about her almost every night and I am so happy for that. This has been so fucking hard on that precious little girl, that amazing little thinker. And I'm so happy that Gramma is in her dreams in a "black shirt with strings and sunglasses."
Conclusions for the lose.
Showing posts with label daily. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daily. Show all posts
Jun 7, 2011
Mar 9, 2011
So Here's What I'm Thinking About
One of my pleasure shows is Teen Mom. The show, like a car crash, is something I just cannot stop staring at. I sit here and watch these girls, some of them grown women and some of them teenagers, and I just don't understand. Why is it so difficult to get priorities in order? Why is it so difficult to understand what needs to be done? What goes in to having a child?
Of course I know the answers to these questions. I know them. It all boils down to the fact that kids shouldn't be having kids. I don't know where I got the knowledge that I have, the guts to do what I needed to do for Emily and myself. I don't know. I'm thankful for it.
When I watch this show and then I see all of the issues in the news, my brain starts to hurt. Why do so many people want to deny access to birth control? What will that do? Why aren't we teaching kids about sex, protection, disease, self-respect and babies? What are we accomplishing with all of that? We have gonorrhea outbreaks in different states, one of the highest, if not the highest, teen pregnancy rates in any developed country, and an epidemic of girls being incredibly and remarkably stupid. Our education system is denying our children the right that they have to a full and comprehensive education. Our parents are failing to provide the character training that their children need. Why?
I know many staunch republicans that will blame a lack of God in our society. To each their own, but the fact remains that we are blessed to live in a country where we can choose our religion. Also, I've recently read some studies that show that God-free character education at an elementary level is just as effective as an education that includes God. This means that neither is effective. If they were, we wouldn't be seeing the numbers that we are seeing across the board in our country. We wouldn't have a TV show that shows these young women doing these stupid, stupid things. (On that note, I have a hard time believing that there are any money struggles. As a woman who has lived well below the poverty line since Emily's birth, it angers me to no end that any of these girls are making stupid decisions. I would love to have the paychecks that they have so that I could do everything I want to do for Emily, the things I will be doing five years from now when I am able to. )
I just don't get it. I don't. When will society as a whole understand that we are failing our children? That we are breeding a selfish, unconcerned group of people that will continue doing the same stupid things over and over again. Why are young men allowed to call girls whores? Sluts? Stupid bitches? Why are young girls allowed to spin in circles? Why are we, the adults, allowed to continue to fail our children and our communities? It's not related to any of the hot-topic issues. It's not. It has everything to do with instilling your children with common courtesy, common sense and common respect for themselves and for others. It has to do with telling our daughters that they are beautiful and worthy. It has to do with telling our young sons that they are beautiful and worthy. It has to do with teaching our young children that they matter. They matter enough to make good decisions, to respect their minds, hearts and bodies. We need to teach them selflessness. We need to inform them of the bad things in the world and let them see some of it while we can still help to guide them through it. We need to let them face consequences while they're with us so that maybe, they can learn to face them on their own.
It makes me so sad. It makes me look at my journey and keep going. I struggle with the same thing that all teen Moms struggle with. I am broke, I have had relationship ups and downs that are complicated in many ways by having a child. I get lonely. I spent a lot of time resenting Emily's biological father because I didn't have anyone to share with. Whether it was good sharing or bad sharing, I wanted someone to share with.
However, on top of my struggle, I am a 4.0 student. I am nine months out (hopefully) from my Bachelors. I am about two years away from a Masters. I have this beautiful amazing child, this little girl that I get to share my time with. She is so annoying. But she is so wonderful. She is generally well-mannered, she is loved and cared for and gets to be five. She is getting a childhood because I know that is what she needs. I was about to say that I know people will say they don't have the resources for that, but that's bullshit. If you want something bad enough you MAKE IT HAPPEN. I don't have the resources either. I don't have parents that can take care of everything, nor do I have a %60,000+ salary from MTV. I am from inner-city Chicago. I've had help. My family helps when they can, and that's what family is for.
We all know I suck at conclusions. My mind is over-boggled with this and with two other very specific issues going on in my life right now. I will have to write about those later.
Of course I know the answers to these questions. I know them. It all boils down to the fact that kids shouldn't be having kids. I don't know where I got the knowledge that I have, the guts to do what I needed to do for Emily and myself. I don't know. I'm thankful for it.
When I watch this show and then I see all of the issues in the news, my brain starts to hurt. Why do so many people want to deny access to birth control? What will that do? Why aren't we teaching kids about sex, protection, disease, self-respect and babies? What are we accomplishing with all of that? We have gonorrhea outbreaks in different states, one of the highest, if not the highest, teen pregnancy rates in any developed country, and an epidemic of girls being incredibly and remarkably stupid. Our education system is denying our children the right that they have to a full and comprehensive education. Our parents are failing to provide the character training that their children need. Why?
I know many staunch republicans that will blame a lack of God in our society. To each their own, but the fact remains that we are blessed to live in a country where we can choose our religion. Also, I've recently read some studies that show that God-free character education at an elementary level is just as effective as an education that includes God. This means that neither is effective. If they were, we wouldn't be seeing the numbers that we are seeing across the board in our country. We wouldn't have a TV show that shows these young women doing these stupid, stupid things. (On that note, I have a hard time believing that there are any money struggles. As a woman who has lived well below the poverty line since Emily's birth, it angers me to no end that any of these girls are making stupid decisions. I would love to have the paychecks that they have so that I could do everything I want to do for Emily, the things I will be doing five years from now when I am able to. )
I just don't get it. I don't. When will society as a whole understand that we are failing our children? That we are breeding a selfish, unconcerned group of people that will continue doing the same stupid things over and over again. Why are young men allowed to call girls whores? Sluts? Stupid bitches? Why are young girls allowed to spin in circles? Why are we, the adults, allowed to continue to fail our children and our communities? It's not related to any of the hot-topic issues. It's not. It has everything to do with instilling your children with common courtesy, common sense and common respect for themselves and for others. It has to do with telling our daughters that they are beautiful and worthy. It has to do with telling our young sons that they are beautiful and worthy. It has to do with teaching our young children that they matter. They matter enough to make good decisions, to respect their minds, hearts and bodies. We need to teach them selflessness. We need to inform them of the bad things in the world and let them see some of it while we can still help to guide them through it. We need to let them face consequences while they're with us so that maybe, they can learn to face them on their own.
It makes me so sad. It makes me look at my journey and keep going. I struggle with the same thing that all teen Moms struggle with. I am broke, I have had relationship ups and downs that are complicated in many ways by having a child. I get lonely. I spent a lot of time resenting Emily's biological father because I didn't have anyone to share with. Whether it was good sharing or bad sharing, I wanted someone to share with.
However, on top of my struggle, I am a 4.0 student. I am nine months out (hopefully) from my Bachelors. I am about two years away from a Masters. I have this beautiful amazing child, this little girl that I get to share my time with. She is so annoying. But she is so wonderful. She is generally well-mannered, she is loved and cared for and gets to be five. She is getting a childhood because I know that is what she needs. I was about to say that I know people will say they don't have the resources for that, but that's bullshit. If you want something bad enough you MAKE IT HAPPEN. I don't have the resources either. I don't have parents that can take care of everything, nor do I have a %60,000+ salary from MTV. I am from inner-city Chicago. I've had help. My family helps when they can, and that's what family is for.
We all know I suck at conclusions. My mind is over-boggled with this and with two other very specific issues going on in my life right now. I will have to write about those later.
Jan 5, 2011
La Casa Pateeta
I haven't mentioned La Casa Pateeta in a long time. Pateeta is my Mom, and she has been fighting stage 3c ovarian cancer for a little under two years. The fight is getting harder.
I don't know how to write about it or talk about it. The problem is that I'm not the type that breaks down, ever. I break down maybe once every year or two, privately, in my shower. Other than that, I'm a do-er, a planner, a get-things-done-er. And that is how I handle things. I get accused of being tactless (which I kind of am), morbid, detached, and many other things depending on the situation. This one? People that matter haven't accused me of anything. Which is good.
She's in the hospital right now, again, and I'm actually scared. I'm twenty-four. I'm scared that my Mom is going to die, that I haven't learned the things I should have yet. I'm scared that my body is going to be attacked by the same killers that have attacked hers, and I'm even more scared because countless doctors have told me that I'm "too young to worry." I'm scared that I will lose my family if she goes, because she's the connector. I'm scared that my not-so-little brother will slip through some sort of crack and will not be the man he has the potential to be. I'm scared that this event will negatively shape him, and I'm scared that this same event might shape my daughter.
I'm sad, too. Sad that my Mom hasn't been the same person consistently for over a year. I'm sad that she's hurting, that there are doctors swarming around her with different opinions and inconclusive results and I'm sad that my Grandma is watching her daughter's body be eaten by cancer, that my Uncle and Aunt are watching their sister change, that my baby knows what sickness is at the age of four.
Beyond these things though, I'm proud and I'm grateful and I'm happy. I'm happy that I've gotten to say to my Mom the things that everyone needs to say to their loved ones: This is why I'm angry with you. This is why I resent you. This is why I love you. These are my favorite things about you. You have a piece of me that no one else can claim. This disease, this cancer, has taken away a lot of good things. But it's also taken away the human shield that people put up for some reason to protect each other from honesty. As a blunt and tactless person, I hate being protected from honesty in personal life, professional life, political life, and all other areas. This disease has forced me to figure out what is important to me.
I'm sitting here hoping for the best. I'm hoping that her GI doctor can give us some good news tomorrow after a test she has to do. I'm hoping he can say that he has a non-invasive solution that will not dramatically alter her life with the addition of tubes or bags or heavy anesthesia. I'm hoping that that's the call I get tomorrow afternoon, that a pill will fix her pain and enable her to go forward with a clinical trial she's set up for. And hope, really, is what we have as humans. Hope, love, honesty, communication. These are the cornerstones of who I am, of those that I have chosen to be in my life. These things are tools my Mom gave me and somehow cultivated through many years of turmoil.
We all know I suck at conclusions.
I don't know how to write about it or talk about it. The problem is that I'm not the type that breaks down, ever. I break down maybe once every year or two, privately, in my shower. Other than that, I'm a do-er, a planner, a get-things-done-er. And that is how I handle things. I get accused of being tactless (which I kind of am), morbid, detached, and many other things depending on the situation. This one? People that matter haven't accused me of anything. Which is good.
She's in the hospital right now, again, and I'm actually scared. I'm twenty-four. I'm scared that my Mom is going to die, that I haven't learned the things I should have yet. I'm scared that my body is going to be attacked by the same killers that have attacked hers, and I'm even more scared because countless doctors have told me that I'm "too young to worry." I'm scared that I will lose my family if she goes, because she's the connector. I'm scared that my not-so-little brother will slip through some sort of crack and will not be the man he has the potential to be. I'm scared that this event will negatively shape him, and I'm scared that this same event might shape my daughter.
I'm sad, too. Sad that my Mom hasn't been the same person consistently for over a year. I'm sad that she's hurting, that there are doctors swarming around her with different opinions and inconclusive results and I'm sad that my Grandma is watching her daughter's body be eaten by cancer, that my Uncle and Aunt are watching their sister change, that my baby knows what sickness is at the age of four.
Beyond these things though, I'm proud and I'm grateful and I'm happy. I'm happy that I've gotten to say to my Mom the things that everyone needs to say to their loved ones: This is why I'm angry with you. This is why I resent you. This is why I love you. These are my favorite things about you. You have a piece of me that no one else can claim. This disease, this cancer, has taken away a lot of good things. But it's also taken away the human shield that people put up for some reason to protect each other from honesty. As a blunt and tactless person, I hate being protected from honesty in personal life, professional life, political life, and all other areas. This disease has forced me to figure out what is important to me.
I'm sitting here hoping for the best. I'm hoping that her GI doctor can give us some good news tomorrow after a test she has to do. I'm hoping he can say that he has a non-invasive solution that will not dramatically alter her life with the addition of tubes or bags or heavy anesthesia. I'm hoping that that's the call I get tomorrow afternoon, that a pill will fix her pain and enable her to go forward with a clinical trial she's set up for. And hope, really, is what we have as humans. Hope, love, honesty, communication. These are the cornerstones of who I am, of those that I have chosen to be in my life. These things are tools my Mom gave me and somehow cultivated through many years of turmoil.
We all know I suck at conclusions.
Jan 1, 2011
Project 365
Hello world, she's back. My last post was about ten months ago, and that will be changing today or I am just going to delete this. I don't do resolutions, and I don't do promises. I do, however, do goals. I have quite a few for my life (because that's how I do them... I can't just have a goal for a year and be satisfied) which will be discussed throughout this year, I'm sure.
One of those goals is something I haven't tried before. It is to begin, do and complete a Project 365. I've seen them done in other forums, but have never seen one completed by anyone I know personally. A friend of mine, one Randi Sue that I have been fortunate enough to meet in person, is beginning one in her blog for this year and I'm following suit to begin one as well.
I don't have a great camera, and I don't have a lot of time. I do have some technique but I won't be able to show that here. Maybe next year I can try to hone some skillz (yes, with a "z"), but this year, I just want proof that I'm living. Because despite evidence to the contrary, I am.
One of those goals is something I haven't tried before. It is to begin, do and complete a Project 365. I've seen them done in other forums, but have never seen one completed by anyone I know personally. A friend of mine, one Randi Sue that I have been fortunate enough to meet in person, is beginning one in her blog for this year and I'm following suit to begin one as well.
I don't have a great camera, and I don't have a lot of time. I do have some technique but I won't be able to show that here. Maybe next year I can try to hone some skillz (yes, with a "z"), but this year, I just want proof that I'm living. Because despite evidence to the contrary, I am.
Sep 2, 2010
A New Effort
Life has changed significantly. I graduated in May with Honors and am now the proud owner of one genuine Associate's Degree! Whoo! I restarted school three weeks after graduation and am FINALLY on the road to my B.A. BORING.
The Girlfriend and I are no more. It's something that's very sad, and is a large contributing factor in my lack of writing, not only here, but in general. However, after several months of trying to figure something out, I've figured out that I can't figure anything out and the best thing to do is to just write.
I have a new job, one that involves watching children and my dear Emily, who is HUGE now. PS, she read her first sight word book a few weeks ago. It's pretty exciting.
Things to look forward to: Open letters! Of course I have opinions! And thoughts! And I want to share them! Right now, I need to go to bed. Because, you see, I have also begun to work out like a maniac. New, exciting life. Right?
The Girlfriend and I are no more. It's something that's very sad, and is a large contributing factor in my lack of writing, not only here, but in general. However, after several months of trying to figure something out, I've figured out that I can't figure anything out and the best thing to do is to just write.
I have a new job, one that involves watching children and my dear Emily, who is HUGE now. PS, she read her first sight word book a few weeks ago. It's pretty exciting.
Things to look forward to: Open letters! Of course I have opinions! And thoughts! And I want to share them! Right now, I need to go to bed. Because, you see, I have also begun to work out like a maniac. New, exciting life. Right?
Nov 22, 2009
Let The Sunshine In
I wish that were metaphorical, ha. But alas, no, LITERAL. I've been sitting on my computer for the last hour or so, doing lots of Very Important Things (ahem, meaning I got ALL OF MY HOMEWORK DONE because I would never sit here and add some touches to my dream house on The Sims, or read other bloggers, or compare prices on mineral makeup or stare at my homework calendar and turn it backwards so it would stop yelling PROCRASTINATOR at me) while Natalie got ready for work and Emily played upstairs.
Natalie, if you recall, is one of my best friends in the Universe. She is commonly introduced as my sister, is known to Emily as "Auntie" and is Emily's godmother. She lives in a town, which is a word I use loosely for the place she lives as it isn't really a town but is more a conglomeration of condos and hot weather, about three hours away from me and she comes here on the weekends. Having her here is wonderful, because she loves Emily so much and it's really good for Emily to have some family here.
Emily has been testing limits lately, like, you know, every three year old on the planet. The Awesome Neighbors' daughter has recently begun a home decorating business, one that focuses on large, uneven circles on the lower parts of the walls as a means of opening up rooms and making them more welcoming. Emily doesn't test like that. She's a little OCD and honestly, I'm ok with that. She likes things clean, likes to clean messes, and is meticulous with making sure things are "how they should be." Emily's way of testing limits is with her mouth. She has an attitude and when I say attitude, I mean a three-word ahh- tih- TUDE. She is known to stand in front of her mirror and tell herself off as a means of practicing for telling her babies off. She throws words around just to see if she can and she shakes her hips while walking more competently than most drag queens I've known. She makes faces, rolls her eyes, throws her hands up and yells "FINE!" and is in every way a teenager. I'm pretty sure that she's sneaking out at night in clothes I don't approve of to kiss boys and eat pot brownies.
I think I'd prefer she color on the walls.
Anyway, last night The Girlfriend and I went on a date night (which is a story for later, because it was just a series of hilarious unfortunate events) and while we were gone, Emily tried out lying to Auntie Nat to see if she could. Fortunately, Auntie Nat is no idiot and called her on it immediately. I suck at conclusions. But I can't believe that Emily did that. My sweet, sweet baby is WAY to smart for her own good. And she lied just to see if she would get caught. I thought I wouldn't start dealing with this stuff until she was thirteen or so.
Natalie, if you recall, is one of my best friends in the Universe. She is commonly introduced as my sister, is known to Emily as "Auntie" and is Emily's godmother. She lives in a town, which is a word I use loosely for the place she lives as it isn't really a town but is more a conglomeration of condos and hot weather, about three hours away from me and she comes here on the weekends. Having her here is wonderful, because she loves Emily so much and it's really good for Emily to have some family here.
Emily has been testing limits lately, like, you know, every three year old on the planet. The Awesome Neighbors' daughter has recently begun a home decorating business, one that focuses on large, uneven circles on the lower parts of the walls as a means of opening up rooms and making them more welcoming. Emily doesn't test like that. She's a little OCD and honestly, I'm ok with that. She likes things clean, likes to clean messes, and is meticulous with making sure things are "how they should be." Emily's way of testing limits is with her mouth. She has an attitude and when I say attitude, I mean a three-word ahh- tih- TUDE. She is known to stand in front of her mirror and tell herself off as a means of practicing for telling her babies off. She throws words around just to see if she can and she shakes her hips while walking more competently than most drag queens I've known. She makes faces, rolls her eyes, throws her hands up and yells "FINE!" and is in every way a teenager. I'm pretty sure that she's sneaking out at night in clothes I don't approve of to kiss boys and eat pot brownies.
I think I'd prefer she color on the walls.
Anyway, last night The Girlfriend and I went on a date night (which is a story for later, because it was just a series of hilarious unfortunate events) and while we were gone, Emily tried out lying to Auntie Nat to see if she could. Fortunately, Auntie Nat is no idiot and called her on it immediately. I suck at conclusions. But I can't believe that Emily did that. My sweet, sweet baby is WAY to smart for her own good. And she lied just to see if she would get caught. I thought I wouldn't start dealing with this stuff until she was thirteen or so.
Nov 21, 2009
Honestly.
I really don't know what to write in here sometimes. I have a lot to say, a lot that I'm feeling and going through and wanting to share, but not a way to do it. I can't write about work on here (as learned by one Heather B. Armstrong at dooce.com), I can't write too much personal stuff, but think I need to find a way around that.
I'm publishing a zine in one of my classes. I was a little more excited about it before than I am now, because now the work is creeping up on me and it's a little scary. Also, we didn't get as many submissions as I wish we had gotten. That sucks.
There's a story I turned in to my professor because we had something due, but I explained that it is absolutely NOT something that I could ever publish online at this juncture. It's about Emily's dad. I didn't know it was going to be written, but it was and it's honest. However, honestly, I'm learning that I need to be more careful with what I put out there. I'm considering deleting my facebook, I never use my myspace, and I'm getting a little sick of the whole public social networking thing. And then, when I'm super bored I sit back and think that I'm going crazy in a very real way if I'm actually considering deleting my facebook account.
Which brings it down to this. The theme of the post. Honestly, I have been going a little crazy. Quietly, slowly, calmly crazy. Not out loud, except for the brief outbursts at whoever pisses me off with whatever little thing when the wind blows northwest at 4.9 miles an hour. Then the wind changes direction and I'm not angry anymore, and I obsess about the oversharing I've probably done and then I wonder why I can't just update my damn blog. There have been doctor visits regarding this elusive pain in my head, which they think is a nerve/muscle/stress thing. I have an entire pharmacy on my kitchen counter and am only taking one thing, Neurontin. Some anti-seizure medication that apparently helps with nerves.
I'm trying to suck up the courage to call the doctor and admit that I think I have some head stuff going on that I need some help with. That for me is so ridiculously difficult. I've been reading Dooce.com for years and have so much respect for her candor and honesty. And I sit here and wonder why I can't do that. I want to share a story that doesn't often get shared and I want to be able to be honest about what's going on with me. And I think that's part of the problem: that honesty is terrifying. I'm the person who is always, always fine. Always there to help whenever I can, always available for a phone call and always willing to drop everything to be ok. And lately, I have nothing. No more to give. And, honestly (word over-use, I know) I don't care. I don't care that I can't be everything for everyone. I don't want to be. I don't want to change my life, I don't want to change what I'm doing, things I'm trying to do with my daughter so that I can give her a different life. This post is going nowhere, because my head is a mindfuck.
I've always been a little scared of going public. What are the ramifications of all of that? Who could I hurt? What could happen? I'm not trying to out-Dooce anyone, in any way. But I need to be a little more open. I'm trying to find the balance between my being able to be open without hurting those who don't need to be hurt. I'll find it, and then I'll update more.
Who loves Glee?
I'm publishing a zine in one of my classes. I was a little more excited about it before than I am now, because now the work is creeping up on me and it's a little scary. Also, we didn't get as many submissions as I wish we had gotten. That sucks.
There's a story I turned in to my professor because we had something due, but I explained that it is absolutely NOT something that I could ever publish online at this juncture. It's about Emily's dad. I didn't know it was going to be written, but it was and it's honest. However, honestly, I'm learning that I need to be more careful with what I put out there. I'm considering deleting my facebook, I never use my myspace, and I'm getting a little sick of the whole public social networking thing. And then, when I'm super bored I sit back and think that I'm going crazy in a very real way if I'm actually considering deleting my facebook account.
Which brings it down to this. The theme of the post. Honestly, I have been going a little crazy. Quietly, slowly, calmly crazy. Not out loud, except for the brief outbursts at whoever pisses me off with whatever little thing when the wind blows northwest at 4.9 miles an hour. Then the wind changes direction and I'm not angry anymore, and I obsess about the oversharing I've probably done and then I wonder why I can't just update my damn blog. There have been doctor visits regarding this elusive pain in my head, which they think is a nerve/muscle/stress thing. I have an entire pharmacy on my kitchen counter and am only taking one thing, Neurontin. Some anti-seizure medication that apparently helps with nerves.
I'm trying to suck up the courage to call the doctor and admit that I think I have some head stuff going on that I need some help with. That for me is so ridiculously difficult. I've been reading Dooce.com for years and have so much respect for her candor and honesty. And I sit here and wonder why I can't do that. I want to share a story that doesn't often get shared and I want to be able to be honest about what's going on with me. And I think that's part of the problem: that honesty is terrifying. I'm the person who is always, always fine. Always there to help whenever I can, always available for a phone call and always willing to drop everything to be ok. And lately, I have nothing. No more to give. And, honestly (word over-use, I know) I don't care. I don't care that I can't be everything for everyone. I don't want to be. I don't want to change my life, I don't want to change what I'm doing, things I'm trying to do with my daughter so that I can give her a different life. This post is going nowhere, because my head is a mindfuck.
I've always been a little scared of going public. What are the ramifications of all of that? Who could I hurt? What could happen? I'm not trying to out-Dooce anyone, in any way. But I need to be a little more open. I'm trying to find the balance between my being able to be open without hurting those who don't need to be hurt. I'll find it, and then I'll update more.
Who loves Glee?
Sep 9, 2009
Someday I'll Update For Real
In lieu of real though, here are more snippets:
- Why are all of these people flipping out about Obama's speech to students? Haven't seen it? Look on whitehouse.gov. When I was in 2nd grade, Bill Clinton was in office. We learned about him, Hillary and Chelsea as parts of our social studies/current events classes. We learned about what he was doing and we talked about our thoughts on all of it. We were encouraged to talk with our parents about all of it too. His speech wasn't about promoting socialism, promoting his agenda, or anything like that. It was a message to the students of America, who are grossly irresponsible, ungrateful and entitled, that they need to work and work HARD to get to their goals. If parents in general were talking to their children about this, the President might not have to.
What I was taught is that even if you don't agree with the leader, you respect and support the leader. I think people need to back the fuck off. Actually listen to the words in that speech and then probably follow it themselves. I'll say that honest to everything and anything holy that his speech inspired me. It was a swift kick in the ass to stop bitching about the semester I have, how much I hate it, because even though it doesn't feel important, that these baby steps will help me be who I want to be.
- Emily got moved up a classroom at school. Finally. She is disgustingly smart. And a little OCD. We were in her bedroom and she was lying in bed talking to me before she went to sleep. Tomorrow she's going to The Girlfriend's mom's house for a sleepover and said "Mom, I want to draw you pictures. You like pink and green and um, black?" I said no, I like pink and green and brown. And she says "Oh. OK. Wait! What if there're no crayons? What will I do?" And she flipped out, talking a mile a minute for four minutes before I stopped her and told her not to worry. Funny girl.
That's all for now.
- Why are all of these people flipping out about Obama's speech to students? Haven't seen it? Look on whitehouse.gov. When I was in 2nd grade, Bill Clinton was in office. We learned about him, Hillary and Chelsea as parts of our social studies/current events classes. We learned about what he was doing and we talked about our thoughts on all of it. We were encouraged to talk with our parents about all of it too. His speech wasn't about promoting socialism, promoting his agenda, or anything like that. It was a message to the students of America, who are grossly irresponsible, ungrateful and entitled, that they need to work and work HARD to get to their goals. If parents in general were talking to their children about this, the President might not have to.
What I was taught is that even if you don't agree with the leader, you respect and support the leader. I think people need to back the fuck off. Actually listen to the words in that speech and then probably follow it themselves. I'll say that honest to everything and anything holy that his speech inspired me. It was a swift kick in the ass to stop bitching about the semester I have, how much I hate it, because even though it doesn't feel important, that these baby steps will help me be who I want to be.
- Emily got moved up a classroom at school. Finally. She is disgustingly smart. And a little OCD. We were in her bedroom and she was lying in bed talking to me before she went to sleep. Tomorrow she's going to The Girlfriend's mom's house for a sleepover and said "Mom, I want to draw you pictures. You like pink and green and um, black?" I said no, I like pink and green and brown. And she says "Oh. OK. Wait! What if there're no crayons? What will I do?" And she flipped out, talking a mile a minute for four minutes before I stopped her and told her not to worry. Funny girl.
That's all for now.
Aug 9, 2009
OMG
It's amazing what life will do to a blog! I'm sorry, readers.
We decided to go to the beach this weekend and we just got home. And of course, yours truly forgot her camera. But it's ok. It was an entire weekend full of, ready? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And it was fucking glorious. Seriously. We got there on Friday and it was in the middle of the windstorm (which is typical) and set everything up. Emily immediately got in to the water and played for over two hours. Hot dogs were put on marshmallow pokers and roasted to crispy perfection and then I looked at the stars while The Girlfriend did some night fishing.
On Saturday morning we woke up and set up the shades (it had been too windy for that the night before) and then cooked up some breakfast burritos. Then Emily played in the water for the entire day while The Girlfriend fished and I went back and forth from the water to lying in the sun to sitting in the shade and feeling the breeze on my skin. There was lunch, and snacks, and Emily took a nap in the sand under the shade, and there was dinner and s'mores and the kid in bed and more night fishing and kissing under the moonlight. It was amazing. And it was just what I needed.
Even more amazing is that there were NO INJURIES. Two trips ago, The Girlfriend was trying to teach me to chop wood. Well, hi, I'm a city girl. Through and through. Do you need to know how to take a bus somewhere? What neighborhoods you can't wear what colors in? How about the best Greek food hole in the wall? Oh! Oh! Or how about how to get out of a ticket? Or what alleys to run down to escape cops? I can tell you all of those things. Now, things like driving a stick-shift, camping, or ever being used to seeing wild animals casually strolling along? I don't know how to do.
I tried to learn to drive a stick. And honestly, I just have no interest. It's as simple as that. I know it's a useful skill, but I'm over trying. It doesn't work. Something about using both feet simultaneously just doesn't click with my brain chemistry. Camping? I have found out that I LOVE CAMPING. It turns out that I'm down to get a little dirty and sit around a fire. The wild animal thing still throws me, but anyway. The Girlfriend was trying to teach me to chop wood. So we had this piece of it on top of a stump and she was showing me how to hold the axe. Our friend was also trying to teach me. So between the two of them I got two conflicting sets of instructions and I tried to mesh the two and after comPLETELY missing the wood, I chopped the end of my flip flop and almost cut off my toe. Literally.
(Lessons learned: 1) Don't make city girls attempt this shit. 2) Wear closed-toe shoes when using sharp objects. 3) Don't ever, ever trust Melissa with swinging sharp objects, especially after she's been given two different sets of instructions.)
Now, last trip, The Girlfriend broke her pinky toe. While her injuries are usually sustained because of overuse of adult beverages, this particular injury wasn't. The boys on the trip had been playing horse shoes and left the stakes in the sand. In the pitch black. The Girlfriend was running to her fishing pole and ran in to the stake. The toe at the bottom joint stuck out at a 90 degree angle and then the middle joint pointed straight down. It immediately started to swell. Now, The Girlfriend has some monkey toes. Like she could peel a banana, paint a picture, and cook with her toes. When this happened? Her pinky toe resembled my Flinstone toes. So she hobbles over to me and whispers "Um, I think I sprained my toe. Can you look?" So I look and then between three people, we pop her toe back in to place. Now, a full month later, it's almost back down to regular size. (Also on that trip, she cut her hand, bruised her back and arm, and burned her thigh. All of those injuries were, in fact, her fault.)
So this trip, NO INJURIES! was a very very good thing. I'm actually kind of amazed. And now, I have a ton of shit on the floor next to me, shit that needs to get put away but won't until tomorrow. I have a baby upstairs watching Snow White and I have a mouth full of teeth that need brushing.
I'll write more. I promise.
We decided to go to the beach this weekend and we just got home. And of course, yours truly forgot her camera. But it's ok. It was an entire weekend full of, ready? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And it was fucking glorious. Seriously. We got there on Friday and it was in the middle of the windstorm (which is typical) and set everything up. Emily immediately got in to the water and played for over two hours. Hot dogs were put on marshmallow pokers and roasted to crispy perfection and then I looked at the stars while The Girlfriend did some night fishing.
On Saturday morning we woke up and set up the shades (it had been too windy for that the night before) and then cooked up some breakfast burritos. Then Emily played in the water for the entire day while The Girlfriend fished and I went back and forth from the water to lying in the sun to sitting in the shade and feeling the breeze on my skin. There was lunch, and snacks, and Emily took a nap in the sand under the shade, and there was dinner and s'mores and the kid in bed and more night fishing and kissing under the moonlight. It was amazing. And it was just what I needed.
Even more amazing is that there were NO INJURIES. Two trips ago, The Girlfriend was trying to teach me to chop wood. Well, hi, I'm a city girl. Through and through. Do you need to know how to take a bus somewhere? What neighborhoods you can't wear what colors in? How about the best Greek food hole in the wall? Oh! Oh! Or how about how to get out of a ticket? Or what alleys to run down to escape cops? I can tell you all of those things. Now, things like driving a stick-shift, camping, or ever being used to seeing wild animals casually strolling along? I don't know how to do.
I tried to learn to drive a stick. And honestly, I just have no interest. It's as simple as that. I know it's a useful skill, but I'm over trying. It doesn't work. Something about using both feet simultaneously just doesn't click with my brain chemistry. Camping? I have found out that I LOVE CAMPING. It turns out that I'm down to get a little dirty and sit around a fire. The wild animal thing still throws me, but anyway. The Girlfriend was trying to teach me to chop wood. So we had this piece of it on top of a stump and she was showing me how to hold the axe. Our friend was also trying to teach me. So between the two of them I got two conflicting sets of instructions and I tried to mesh the two and after comPLETELY missing the wood, I chopped the end of my flip flop and almost cut off my toe. Literally.
(Lessons learned: 1) Don't make city girls attempt this shit. 2) Wear closed-toe shoes when using sharp objects. 3) Don't ever, ever trust Melissa with swinging sharp objects, especially after she's been given two different sets of instructions.)
Now, last trip, The Girlfriend broke her pinky toe. While her injuries are usually sustained because of overuse of adult beverages, this particular injury wasn't. The boys on the trip had been playing horse shoes and left the stakes in the sand. In the pitch black. The Girlfriend was running to her fishing pole and ran in to the stake. The toe at the bottom joint stuck out at a 90 degree angle and then the middle joint pointed straight down. It immediately started to swell. Now, The Girlfriend has some monkey toes. Like she could peel a banana, paint a picture, and cook with her toes. When this happened? Her pinky toe resembled my Flinstone toes. So she hobbles over to me and whispers "Um, I think I sprained my toe. Can you look?" So I look and then between three people, we pop her toe back in to place. Now, a full month later, it's almost back down to regular size. (Also on that trip, she cut her hand, bruised her back and arm, and burned her thigh. All of those injuries were, in fact, her fault.)
So this trip, NO INJURIES! was a very very good thing. I'm actually kind of amazed. And now, I have a ton of shit on the floor next to me, shit that needs to get put away but won't until tomorrow. I have a baby upstairs watching Snow White and I have a mouth full of teeth that need brushing.
I'll write more. I promise.
Jul 29, 2009
Totally Unqalified Opinions.
I'm working (and not procrastinating at all with my blog) and have the TV on in the background (because I have a tendency to freak out when I'm alone) and Oprah's on. Darius Rucker, of Hootie and the Blowfish is on singing one of his country hits and, um, he looks high as a fucking kite.
But hey, props to him for singing live. Even thought he's flat (and I'm actually not unqualified there, I grew up singing in a pretty awesome choir). And apparently, I love parentheses tonight.
()()()()()
But hey, props to him for singing live. Even thought he's flat (and I'm actually not unqualified there, I grew up singing in a pretty awesome choir). And apparently, I love parentheses tonight.
()()()()()
Jul 22, 2009
On Randomness.
Yesterday, there was no cell phone picture of the day. I had an unusually long day at work and then had to come home and write for three hours. So, there wasn't really time.
Now, Tuesday is usually reserved in this house for BAWT. Beer After Work Tuesday. Yesterday though, it couldn't happen because of the aforementioned working late. I got home and my legs hurt, and I was tired, and I was hot, and my face has been super oily lately? Which I don't understand. And on the stove was an order of potato skins from the bar The Girlfriend and I go to. IT WAS AWESOME.
Not awesome in the sense that I'm working on losing weight, and I've been succeeding, and so the potato skins probably didn't do much for that effort, but awesome in the sense that The Girlfriend went to the bar just to order them and bring them home for me to try and make my day that much better. It totally worked. She also picked Emily up for me, which was nice. I never get to just go straight home after work. I have to go to the other side of town to pick her up and then go home. Do you know how long it took me to get home? EIGHT GLORIOUS MINUTES. It's usually around a half hour because of traffic. Eight minutes, people. It was beautiful.
So I get home and kiss my girlfriend and hug on my baby girl and then I have a beer (which tasted way too good) and we eat the potato skins while Emily has mac n' cheese and I give the kid a bath and then she goes to sleep and I sit down at my computer: the last place in the world I wanted to be. I wanted to be on my couch, watching TV with The Girlfriend. But, I need to make money and I had a deadline today. So I'm writing and writing and writing and I realize that I just can't wrap my head around things because The Girlfriend is watching this show about a man who decided in his thirties, after he was married and had two kids, that he's really a woman. So he flew to Thailand to get full surgery and came back and was surprised when his heterosexual wife wouldn't have sex with him/her. He changed his name from Ted to Chloe and was surprised when his kids' friends' parents would no longer let their children come over.
It was sad. I can't imagine being born in the wrong body, and I can't imagine it taking that long to figure out. And I'm trying really hard not to be in the audience yelling selfish!selfish! But honestly, a small part of me thinks she was selfish. I mean, the surgery was $70,000. Plus more money. A new wardrobe, makeup, shoes, having to explain it to your kids, having your wife be stuck in a place she doesn't want to be in. I do think that that's selfish. But then I see the other side too, the side where when Chloe was still Ted, he tried to kill himself. Because that's horrible too. So is his wife selfish for wanting him back? For mourning the loss of the man she fell in love with? I don't know. I think that's a hard situation.
I just realized it's 5:36am. Have to go!
Now, Tuesday is usually reserved in this house for BAWT. Beer After Work Tuesday. Yesterday though, it couldn't happen because of the aforementioned working late. I got home and my legs hurt, and I was tired, and I was hot, and my face has been super oily lately? Which I don't understand. And on the stove was an order of potato skins from the bar The Girlfriend and I go to. IT WAS AWESOME.
Not awesome in the sense that I'm working on losing weight, and I've been succeeding, and so the potato skins probably didn't do much for that effort, but awesome in the sense that The Girlfriend went to the bar just to order them and bring them home for me to try and make my day that much better. It totally worked. She also picked Emily up for me, which was nice. I never get to just go straight home after work. I have to go to the other side of town to pick her up and then go home. Do you know how long it took me to get home? EIGHT GLORIOUS MINUTES. It's usually around a half hour because of traffic. Eight minutes, people. It was beautiful.
So I get home and kiss my girlfriend and hug on my baby girl and then I have a beer (which tasted way too good) and we eat the potato skins while Emily has mac n' cheese and I give the kid a bath and then she goes to sleep and I sit down at my computer: the last place in the world I wanted to be. I wanted to be on my couch, watching TV with The Girlfriend. But, I need to make money and I had a deadline today. So I'm writing and writing and writing and I realize that I just can't wrap my head around things because The Girlfriend is watching this show about a man who decided in his thirties, after he was married and had two kids, that he's really a woman. So he flew to Thailand to get full surgery and came back and was surprised when his heterosexual wife wouldn't have sex with him/her. He changed his name from Ted to Chloe and was surprised when his kids' friends' parents would no longer let their children come over.
It was sad. I can't imagine being born in the wrong body, and I can't imagine it taking that long to figure out. And I'm trying really hard not to be in the audience yelling selfish!selfish! But honestly, a small part of me thinks she was selfish. I mean, the surgery was $70,000. Plus more money. A new wardrobe, makeup, shoes, having to explain it to your kids, having your wife be stuck in a place she doesn't want to be in. I do think that that's selfish. But then I see the other side too, the side where when Chloe was still Ted, he tried to kill himself. Because that's horrible too. So is his wife selfish for wanting him back? For mourning the loss of the man she fell in love with? I don't know. I think that's a hard situation.
I just realized it's 5:36am. Have to go!
Jul 15, 2009
On Life Happening.
Life happens here. Over and over and over. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Because it's a real thing... an honest thing.
In an effort to keep this blog more lively, I'm instituting a cell phone picture of the day. Starting tomorrow.
Summed Up: Financial problems specific to my life are magnifying, growing at such an alarming rate that I've almost had a panic attack. Should be rememdied soon, but the time period between then and now is terrifying.
-School - re-signed up for, starting Aug. 24th.
-Work is going well, in that I love my job. But it's a job that's not necessarily designed to respond well to an economic slump. And my company's really a great one. So there's a little concern over the welfare of everyone there, myself included. But I think that's pretty country-wide.
-Work2 is going well too. I don't think I updated here that I have a freelance writing job (and ohmygod I'm totally freaking out geekily excited about it because WHOA I'M GETTING PAID TO WRITE and it's a small job but it's a PAID job.)
-Relationship is amazing. The Girlfriend and I seem to have waded in to a point in our relationship where life can happen to the both of us and instead of pushing each other away, we're drawing closer because of it. And it's truly a beautiful, wonderful thing.
-Sidenote, THE GIRLFRIEND IS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TOO. Which is awesome.
-Emily is amazing as well. I'm trying to teach her to read. And it's going well. She can identify about half of the alphabet by sight and can write her name, and signed a card by herself the other day. I told her the letters to write, she wrote them, and I told her what she had written. Pretty fucking cool.
Beyond that, I'm going through a weight thing. In that I'm trying to lose some. And I'm too emotional about it to talk about it right here, right now. But rest assured, I will. Sooner than later.
My mom is doing well. Almost done with chemo.
Do you see why I'm not writing? This is all my head can produce. Fragments of thoughts.
So, cell phone picture of the day, tomorrow.
In an effort to keep this blog more lively, I'm instituting a cell phone picture of the day. Starting tomorrow.
Summed Up: Financial problems specific to my life are magnifying, growing at such an alarming rate that I've almost had a panic attack. Should be rememdied soon, but the time period between then and now is terrifying.
-School - re-signed up for, starting Aug. 24th.
-Work is going well, in that I love my job. But it's a job that's not necessarily designed to respond well to an economic slump. And my company's really a great one. So there's a little concern over the welfare of everyone there, myself included. But I think that's pretty country-wide.
-Work2 is going well too. I don't think I updated here that I have a freelance writing job (and ohmygod I'm totally freaking out geekily excited about it because WHOA I'M GETTING PAID TO WRITE and it's a small job but it's a PAID job.)
-Relationship is amazing. The Girlfriend and I seem to have waded in to a point in our relationship where life can happen to the both of us and instead of pushing each other away, we're drawing closer because of it. And it's truly a beautiful, wonderful thing.
-Sidenote, THE GIRLFRIEND IS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TOO. Which is awesome.
-Emily is amazing as well. I'm trying to teach her to read. And it's going well. She can identify about half of the alphabet by sight and can write her name, and signed a card by herself the other day. I told her the letters to write, she wrote them, and I told her what she had written. Pretty fucking cool.
Beyond that, I'm going through a weight thing. In that I'm trying to lose some. And I'm too emotional about it to talk about it right here, right now. But rest assured, I will. Sooner than later.
My mom is doing well. Almost done with chemo.
Do you see why I'm not writing? This is all my head can produce. Fragments of thoughts.
So, cell phone picture of the day, tomorrow.
Jul 8, 2009
Education
So I think I've taken too many sociology classes. Emily wanted to watch Snow White after we got home from the park. I was doing laundry so I decided to let her. I didn't think she'd actually watch it because she's not so in to actually sitting down and watching things. But she did. After I was done putting the clothes away, I made her the oh so healthy dinner of a hot dog with barbque sauce (oh my god! hot dogs! tv! worst mom ever!) and I sat down to watch with her. That Queen used to scare the ever living shit out of me.
Anyway. We're watching, and Snow White eats the apple (which I used as a good example of Why We Don't Take Food From Strangers), and she falls in to the sleeping death or whatever. I'm watching with Emily and explaining what's happening, reading the dialogue on the screen between Snow White "dying" and the Prince coming to find her. So the Prince comes along and kisses her and I was so bothered! What kind of guy comes across a dead girl in a glass coffin and decides, I know, I'll kiss her! Her lips were probably so disgustingly chapped and she's surrounded by these strange little men and he just walks up and kisses her. I missed the beginning of the movie, and maybe that was important. I know that the Prince knew Snow White, so, whatever.
But then she just gets up and rides away and the castle is all lit up in the sky and everything's perfect.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not a feminist. I'm all for equal rights and equal pay, and the lack of reproductive rights in this country drives me insane. But I have no problem being treated like I'm a girl. For any feminists out there, don't let that statement freak you out. But I like haviong doors opened for me, I like not taking out the trash, I don't mind looking pretty. I like those things and I have no problem with Princess movies in general. They're cute, harmless movies. Which is why it's so strange that I am so bothered. I know that Emily's not going to learn that that's what life is about. I know that. But it still really bothered me that all of a sudden, with one kiss, Snow White is great and Emily says "aw mommy, she's so happy!"
I don't know.
Anyway. We're watching, and Snow White eats the apple (which I used as a good example of Why We Don't Take Food From Strangers), and she falls in to the sleeping death or whatever. I'm watching with Emily and explaining what's happening, reading the dialogue on the screen between Snow White "dying" and the Prince coming to find her. So the Prince comes along and kisses her and I was so bothered! What kind of guy comes across a dead girl in a glass coffin and decides, I know, I'll kiss her! Her lips were probably so disgustingly chapped and she's surrounded by these strange little men and he just walks up and kisses her. I missed the beginning of the movie, and maybe that was important. I know that the Prince knew Snow White, so, whatever.
But then she just gets up and rides away and the castle is all lit up in the sky and everything's perfect.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not a feminist. I'm all for equal rights and equal pay, and the lack of reproductive rights in this country drives me insane. But I have no problem being treated like I'm a girl. For any feminists out there, don't let that statement freak you out. But I like haviong doors opened for me, I like not taking out the trash, I don't mind looking pretty. I like those things and I have no problem with Princess movies in general. They're cute, harmless movies. Which is why it's so strange that I am so bothered. I know that Emily's not going to learn that that's what life is about. I know that. But it still really bothered me that all of a sudden, with one kiss, Snow White is great and Emily says "aw mommy, she's so happy!"
I don't know.
Jun 30, 2009
In List Form.
- Went to La Casa Pateeta this last weekend. Mom is doing well. Is losing eyebrows and eyelashes in addition to already bald head, but it also losing tumors. Fair trade?
- Took Emily swimming with arm floaties. Chickenshit child actual floated by herself, around the pool. Was proud of her.
- Girlfriend stole bigger floatie that Gramma bought child and proceeded to fall off of it several times, bringing gales of laughter from child.
- I got slight color. Meaning that I can't be so bold as to use the word "tan" because that would just be a lie. But there are parts of me that are less white now.
- I did not get burnt. At all.
- Place of employment is doing program entitled "Get Active." General idea is a Biggest Loser type of thing, but slightly different. Requires two weekly hikes and one weekly challenge. Hiked two miles yesterday on lunch break. Now, my knees hurt.
- Going on childfree vacation this weekend. Maybe vacation is too large of a word. It will be four days in the heat and sun without my child. She will be at The Girlfriend's mother's house. Am excited. Am also worried that lots of vacation will be spent missing her. Maybe not, since I will also be drunk. Although that might make me miss her more. Note to self: don't get drunk and sappy.
- Had to interupt blog entry to poop! Pooping is good. However, why does that urge come on AFTER a shower? My butt smelled pleasantly of pomegranite mango, thank you very much. Oh well.
- Just looked at clock. Have to end blog entry. Will try to make more before vacation. If not, will come back with pictures. Or not. Will definitely miss the child though.
- Took Emily swimming with arm floaties. Chickenshit child actual floated by herself, around the pool. Was proud of her.
- Girlfriend stole bigger floatie that Gramma bought child and proceeded to fall off of it several times, bringing gales of laughter from child.
- I got slight color. Meaning that I can't be so bold as to use the word "tan" because that would just be a lie. But there are parts of me that are less white now.
- I did not get burnt. At all.
- Place of employment is doing program entitled "Get Active." General idea is a Biggest Loser type of thing, but slightly different. Requires two weekly hikes and one weekly challenge. Hiked two miles yesterday on lunch break. Now, my knees hurt.
- Going on childfree vacation this weekend. Maybe vacation is too large of a word. It will be four days in the heat and sun without my child. She will be at The Girlfriend's mother's house. Am excited. Am also worried that lots of vacation will be spent missing her. Maybe not, since I will also be drunk. Although that might make me miss her more. Note to self: don't get drunk and sappy.
- Had to interupt blog entry to poop! Pooping is good. However, why does that urge come on AFTER a shower? My butt smelled pleasantly of pomegranite mango, thank you very much. Oh well.
- Just looked at clock. Have to end blog entry. Will try to make more before vacation. If not, will come back with pictures. Or not. Will definitely miss the child though.
Jun 25, 2009
Oh To Live In Arizona.
They didn't pass the smoking in cars thing, which is GOOD. So hopefully now they can begin educating people and parents in particular on the damage of second hand smoke in children.
They did however pass new abortion laws. I updated about them a few weeks ago, and I am dismayed. I wish I had the money to fight it, to be on Jan Brewer's doorstep begging her to reconsider signing this in to law. But I can't.
Work this week has been outrageous. Someone has been sick, so we've all been pitching in, and it's tiring. Thus the lack of posting. And I promised myself I was going to sit down and post tonight and now, I just don't have the energy.
Sorry, internets. I need to get the baby in the tub.
They did however pass new abortion laws. I updated about them a few weeks ago, and I am dismayed. I wish I had the money to fight it, to be on Jan Brewer's doorstep begging her to reconsider signing this in to law. But I can't.
Work this week has been outrageous. Someone has been sick, so we've all been pitching in, and it's tiring. Thus the lack of posting. And I promised myself I was going to sit down and post tonight and now, I just don't have the energy.
Sorry, internets. I need to get the baby in the tub.
Jun 21, 2009
In Which I Fail At Parenting. And Ninja Skills.
So Emily has this one pajama outfit. It was handed down to us by a friend. The pants are pink with large blue, white and light pink polka-dots and the top is pink sleeves with a huge smiling Minnie Mouse on it. She LOVES these pajamas. And I allow her that love, because her pajamas and her underwear are really the only place I don't mind characters splashed around like nobodies business.
Well, she outgrew these pajamas about, oh, a year ago. But she continues to wear them. They get washed constantly because she'll put them on. She doesn't care that the shirt doesn't even go down to her belly button anymore, let alone provide any actual belly coverage. The pants are forced up and pretty much sausage her thighs, with the bottom of the pant legs coming to right beneath her shins. The amount of growing she has done in the last year is pretty amazing. Anyway.
I weed out clothing when I do laundry. When her clothes are fresh out of the drier and I'm folding/hanging and putting them away, I separate what doesn't fit anymore and what could probably get a few more wears out of them. There is a stack that sits on top of her rubbermaid underwear/socks/undershirts drawer set and when the stack is too tall to stand without leaning, I take it to the Awesome Neighbors house because they have a daughter who's about ten months younger than Emily, and of a much smaller build. So when Emily is bursting out of seams, their daughter gets the clothes which, more often than not, have a few weeks of bagginess to them. It works rather well actually.
Anyway. The Minnie pajamas have made it to the stack about six times. And every time they make it to the stack, Emily FLIPS HER SHIT. She grabs them, toppling the stack over and clutches them to her chest with angry defiance. I let her win, because there's part of me that thinks it's endearing that this particular pair of pajamas is her favorite. Because she has no particular connection to Minnie Mouse. Emily is all about the princesses, Tinkerbell, and Hannah Montana. However, the last time I saw her in the pajamas I decided that it is Time For Them To Go. I figured out though, that if she ever saw the neighbor's daughter in them that Emily would have her heart broken. Since the pajamas are now very worn, I decided to just toss them. Which I am normally against. But I don't want her to see them at Goodwill, or on the Awesome Neighbor's daughter, or anywhere else on anyone else in any way, shape, or form.
So I put them in the trash can while she's outside playing, under a carton of milk and a cardboard box. I glance at The Girlfriend and whisper "don't tell her!" and walk away, mission accomplished.
A few hours later, which happened to be about twenty minutes ago, The Girlfriend and I are sitting on the couch, innocently watching some TV while Emily takes care of her dinner dishes when Emily walks up to me with a handful of clothing. Her arm is stuck straight out and her eyebrows are hitting my ceiling as she looks at me like, um, HELLO? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? BECAUSE I DO!
I calmly say, hey kid, what's up?
And she responds "Um, Mom? These were in the trash. Did you know that? Because they were because I just pulled them out."
I say, well, um, I must've-
to get interrupted with "They're my favorite Momma, don't DROP THEM AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE MY FAVORITE."
And she walks away, shaking her head at her mother's apparent stupidity and puts them in the fold pile on top of the drier.
Yeah. Fail.
Well, she outgrew these pajamas about, oh, a year ago. But she continues to wear them. They get washed constantly because she'll put them on. She doesn't care that the shirt doesn't even go down to her belly button anymore, let alone provide any actual belly coverage. The pants are forced up and pretty much sausage her thighs, with the bottom of the pant legs coming to right beneath her shins. The amount of growing she has done in the last year is pretty amazing. Anyway.
I weed out clothing when I do laundry. When her clothes are fresh out of the drier and I'm folding/hanging and putting them away, I separate what doesn't fit anymore and what could probably get a few more wears out of them. There is a stack that sits on top of her rubbermaid underwear/socks/undershirts drawer set and when the stack is too tall to stand without leaning, I take it to the Awesome Neighbors house because they have a daughter who's about ten months younger than Emily, and of a much smaller build. So when Emily is bursting out of seams, their daughter gets the clothes which, more often than not, have a few weeks of bagginess to them. It works rather well actually.
Anyway. The Minnie pajamas have made it to the stack about six times. And every time they make it to the stack, Emily FLIPS HER SHIT. She grabs them, toppling the stack over and clutches them to her chest with angry defiance. I let her win, because there's part of me that thinks it's endearing that this particular pair of pajamas is her favorite. Because she has no particular connection to Minnie Mouse. Emily is all about the princesses, Tinkerbell, and Hannah Montana. However, the last time I saw her in the pajamas I decided that it is Time For Them To Go. I figured out though, that if she ever saw the neighbor's daughter in them that Emily would have her heart broken. Since the pajamas are now very worn, I decided to just toss them. Which I am normally against. But I don't want her to see them at Goodwill, or on the Awesome Neighbor's daughter, or anywhere else on anyone else in any way, shape, or form.
So I put them in the trash can while she's outside playing, under a carton of milk and a cardboard box. I glance at The Girlfriend and whisper "don't tell her!" and walk away, mission accomplished.
A few hours later, which happened to be about twenty minutes ago, The Girlfriend and I are sitting on the couch, innocently watching some TV while Emily takes care of her dinner dishes when Emily walks up to me with a handful of clothing. Her arm is stuck straight out and her eyebrows are hitting my ceiling as she looks at me like, um, HELLO? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? BECAUSE I DO!
I calmly say, hey kid, what's up?
And she responds "Um, Mom? These were in the trash. Did you know that? Because they were because I just pulled them out."
I say, well, um, I must've-
to get interrupted with "They're my favorite Momma, don't DROP THEM AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE MY FAVORITE."
And she walks away, shaking her head at her mother's apparent stupidity and puts them in the fold pile on top of the drier.
Yeah. Fail.
Jun 19, 2009
Tangentially,
Well because the last post was just BUZZING with differences of opinions, healthy debate and funny hatecomments, I've decided to put my opinion down.
I'm talking about a recent vote to make smoking in the car with minors illegal. Now. In general, I think it's a good idea to do your best as a parent to protect your child from things that can hurt them. I think that includes second hand smoke. Children don't have an option to get away from the smoke from cigarettes and, yes, I think that parents who hot box their children are doing their children a disservice, especially with all of the data available about the effects of continual second hand smoke.
Now, with that said, here is my opinion: I think it is an incredibly slippery slope to be sliding on. The slope being a slop that begins to define what one can do in their personally, privately owned vehicle with their own children. I also feel that if this is put in to effect that many other laws need to be put in effect as well. Laws like "If you have children, you can't watch porn in the house." That one's from the girlfriend. And I know how ridiculous that is, but that's what needs to be thought about. If they can tell me I can't smoke in my vehicle, then they had better be paying for my vehicle. As long as I am paying, I can do what I want.
I don't smoke in the car with Emily, as a rule. I think it's gross and I don't want her to be the kid that smells like smoke. And yeah, health concerns blah blah blah. However, my reasons don't matter. I don't smoke with her in the car. And I think parents who do need to learn some facts about the dangers of it, and realize what they're doing to their children. But. It's my car, and it's my child. Therefore it is my choice.
I know that seems ignorant, that there are people who think this is a wonderful law and I'll say that I think it comes from a good place. But there are all sorts of things one shouldn't do in a vehicle (put makeup on, eat, get in to a song, talk, sign documents, groom animals, etc...) but they do. I saw a woman TWEEZING HER EYEBROWS at a stop light. Surely that's dangerous. And if she hit my car and killed my daughter, I'm sure Arizona would write a law against the use of tweezers in vehicles. So, again, I think this law comes from a good place. But I think that it's a dangerous starting point. I think that once we begin telling people what they can and cannot do with their possessions, clothing, and bodies, that we are transforming from a nation that is built on the freedom to make choices, even if they're bad choices, to a nation built on the notion that common sense doesn't exist.
And then I type that and find myself thinking, well, we DON'T have much common sense as a nation. What kind of person needs to be warned not to use a chain saw near their genitals, or not to throw a lit cigarette in to a pile of brush in fire season, or not to leave a child unattended in a walker at the top of a staircase? Who are we that we need these dire warnings and rules? Where did common sense go? I know that I have it, that I employ the use of it all the time when weighing my parenting decisions, my driving decisions, my grocery decisions. So why can I, and why can't other people? Why, especially, are parents not allowed to use common sense both from the law and from the demands of online parenting communities?
I once posted that I leave Emmy in the tub. She's three years old, NEVER SHUTS UP, and I go to the next room with both doors open and fold laundry while she sings. It's not like I leave her in there, hop in my car, go party for two hours and then come back. When I posted this I got 100+ comments about what an awful parent I am and that I deserve to see my daughter drown. Really? Because I'm pretty sure that in actuality I'm a single mom who has to fold the clothes, a mom that has taught her child that the bathroom rule is that you have to keep singing if you want your "piracy" and that at some point, one needs to give their child some room to learn some lessons.
That's probably a bad example, and there's probably someone whose cousin's boyfriend's mom's best friend left her daughter alone in the bathtub when she was nine years old for thirty seconds and came back in to find her daughter blue because she slipped and drowned in a half an inch of water. And if that happened to you, or your cousin's boyfriend's mom's best friend's daughter, I am very sorry. But for me, it works. It does. And for me, vaccinations work, and spankings work, and all sorts of things work. Leashes don't work for me.
I don't know what this all has to do with each other. I don't. I know that I suck at staying on topic (which is maybe why no one comments, even though I average about forty readers a day, come on people). I know that I am angry that rights seem to be taken away left and right and NO ONE CARES because it's in the name of safety. If this country is really worried about our kids, why don't we make fast food illegal? Start regulating our food industry and really start educating about the dangers of unsafe sex?
Hell, let's make a mandatory park that has checkin via fingerprint, eye scan and a drop of blood from both parent and child, a park that requires kids to work out for an hour a day? Why don't we try prohibition again? Because drunks are pretty fucking dangerous, don't you think? I know that drunk drivers are, yet people like http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4262751 are let off with a 30 day sentence because of deep pockets. Why don't we just go ahead and ban conversation, because you never know when some kid will overhear something that will damage their minds. And shit, while we're at it, we can just get rid of parents all together, because those damn parents just fuck their kids up. Right?
It's part of life to fuck up, to make mistakes and learn from them, and while it's a parents' job to make good decision, they do have the RIGHT to make those decisions. They do.
I'm too angry to finish this. Not about smoking in cars, because like I said, I don't think one should smoke with kids around when it can be avoided. But about the impossible state of our country.
So excuse me while I go put twenty cigarettes in Emily's mouth, light them simultaneously and then laugh while I teach her to smoke twenty at a time.
I'm talking about a recent vote to make smoking in the car with minors illegal. Now. In general, I think it's a good idea to do your best as a parent to protect your child from things that can hurt them. I think that includes second hand smoke. Children don't have an option to get away from the smoke from cigarettes and, yes, I think that parents who hot box their children are doing their children a disservice, especially with all of the data available about the effects of continual second hand smoke.
Now, with that said, here is my opinion: I think it is an incredibly slippery slope to be sliding on. The slope being a slop that begins to define what one can do in their personally, privately owned vehicle with their own children. I also feel that if this is put in to effect that many other laws need to be put in effect as well. Laws like "If you have children, you can't watch porn in the house." That one's from the girlfriend. And I know how ridiculous that is, but that's what needs to be thought about. If they can tell me I can't smoke in my vehicle, then they had better be paying for my vehicle. As long as I am paying, I can do what I want.
I don't smoke in the car with Emily, as a rule. I think it's gross and I don't want her to be the kid that smells like smoke. And yeah, health concerns blah blah blah. However, my reasons don't matter. I don't smoke with her in the car. And I think parents who do need to learn some facts about the dangers of it, and realize what they're doing to their children. But. It's my car, and it's my child. Therefore it is my choice.
I know that seems ignorant, that there are people who think this is a wonderful law and I'll say that I think it comes from a good place. But there are all sorts of things one shouldn't do in a vehicle (put makeup on, eat, get in to a song, talk, sign documents, groom animals, etc...) but they do. I saw a woman TWEEZING HER EYEBROWS at a stop light. Surely that's dangerous. And if she hit my car and killed my daughter, I'm sure Arizona would write a law against the use of tweezers in vehicles. So, again, I think this law comes from a good place. But I think that it's a dangerous starting point. I think that once we begin telling people what they can and cannot do with their possessions, clothing, and bodies, that we are transforming from a nation that is built on the freedom to make choices, even if they're bad choices, to a nation built on the notion that common sense doesn't exist.
And then I type that and find myself thinking, well, we DON'T have much common sense as a nation. What kind of person needs to be warned not to use a chain saw near their genitals, or not to throw a lit cigarette in to a pile of brush in fire season, or not to leave a child unattended in a walker at the top of a staircase? Who are we that we need these dire warnings and rules? Where did common sense go? I know that I have it, that I employ the use of it all the time when weighing my parenting decisions, my driving decisions, my grocery decisions. So why can I, and why can't other people? Why, especially, are parents not allowed to use common sense both from the law and from the demands of online parenting communities?
I once posted that I leave Emmy in the tub. She's three years old, NEVER SHUTS UP, and I go to the next room with both doors open and fold laundry while she sings. It's not like I leave her in there, hop in my car, go party for two hours and then come back. When I posted this I got 100+ comments about what an awful parent I am and that I deserve to see my daughter drown. Really? Because I'm pretty sure that in actuality I'm a single mom who has to fold the clothes, a mom that has taught her child that the bathroom rule is that you have to keep singing if you want your "piracy" and that at some point, one needs to give their child some room to learn some lessons.
That's probably a bad example, and there's probably someone whose cousin's boyfriend's mom's best friend left her daughter alone in the bathtub when she was nine years old for thirty seconds and came back in to find her daughter blue because she slipped and drowned in a half an inch of water. And if that happened to you, or your cousin's boyfriend's mom's best friend's daughter, I am very sorry. But for me, it works. It does. And for me, vaccinations work, and spankings work, and all sorts of things work. Leashes don't work for me.
I don't know what this all has to do with each other. I don't. I know that I suck at staying on topic (which is maybe why no one comments, even though I average about forty readers a day, come on people). I know that I am angry that rights seem to be taken away left and right and NO ONE CARES because it's in the name of safety. If this country is really worried about our kids, why don't we make fast food illegal? Start regulating our food industry and really start educating about the dangers of unsafe sex?
Hell, let's make a mandatory park that has checkin via fingerprint, eye scan and a drop of blood from both parent and child, a park that requires kids to work out for an hour a day? Why don't we try prohibition again? Because drunks are pretty fucking dangerous, don't you think? I know that drunk drivers are, yet people like http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4262751 are let off with a 30 day sentence because of deep pockets. Why don't we just go ahead and ban conversation, because you never know when some kid will overhear something that will damage their minds. And shit, while we're at it, we can just get rid of parents all together, because those damn parents just fuck their kids up. Right?
It's part of life to fuck up, to make mistakes and learn from them, and while it's a parents' job to make good decision, they do have the RIGHT to make those decisions. They do.
I'm too angry to finish this. Not about smoking in cars, because like I said, I don't think one should smoke with kids around when it can be avoided. But about the impossible state of our country.
So excuse me while I go put twenty cigarettes in Emily's mouth, light them simultaneously and then laugh while I teach her to smoke twenty at a time.
Jun 14, 2009
So.
I went to pride yesterday with The Girlfriend and it was, way different than the pride that I'm used to. The last pride I went to was in Chicago and it is a HUGE event. With police and protesters and over the top everything.
Here, there is a park that is gated off and there are two stages, a main stage for the drag queens and a smaller stage for some more local, less known acts. Yesterday, the highlight was a band called The Pubes (you can see their myspace here.) And they were awesome enough that I gave them seven of my dollars for a CD.
We walked around with my friend Sarah for awhile, got some overpriced beer, and then later went to a goodbye party for a friend at work. It was a very chill day.
I need to explain that life happens. I know that everyone knows this, that life happens and gets in the way of things like regular family emails, sending pictures to loved ones, making time for friends, and updating blogs. I do apologize for it though. So this update is to keep this thing updated. I love this blog, greatly. But this year so far has been hectic to say the least.
It began with a trip to Chicago to see my family and Alan. But this was no ordinary visit home, oh no. It was the visit that involved my dad meeting The Girlfriend. Which turned out fantastically well, but was stressful nonetheless. Three weeks later, I had to drop out of school due to financial difficulties and Emily had her birthday and my mom began going to the hospital for arthritis pain. The next month, my Grandfather died, I moved out of my apartment, moved in to a new place with The Girlfriend and, in the middle of moving The Girlfriend's old apartment to this one, had to make an emergency trip to my mom's neck of the woods when scans from her arthritis pain led to the discovery of ovarian cancer. Some of my other family was spiraling in to their own negativity and it involved my brothers. In April, the move was final and we had to deal with all sorts of maintenance issues, and my mom started chemo. May, things started calming down and then I got slammed with a money/legal issue that I don't care to go in to until it's over, and then, June, I got excited for the nice weather and my mom had a heart attack.
Now, the heart attack's over, I should be back in school by August, I'm settled in to my new home. I'm young and in love, and really, who needs more than that? I know exactly how blessed I am that I have my mom, my girlfriend, my daughter, my dad, and my friends. But. In six months, my life has turned upside down. So I sit at this computer to update things and don't know how to update anything with the lightheartedness that I want this blog to have. And I guess that's it: my life isn't lighthearted all the time. So, readers, I hope you're prepared for honesty. It may not be pretty. But I will begin updating more. I hope that you'll still read, and maybe learn from the things I'm doing in my life.
For now, I need to go lie down.
Goodnight.
Here, there is a park that is gated off and there are two stages, a main stage for the drag queens and a smaller stage for some more local, less known acts. Yesterday, the highlight was a band called The Pubes (you can see their myspace here.) And they were awesome enough that I gave them seven of my dollars for a CD.
We walked around with my friend Sarah for awhile, got some overpriced beer, and then later went to a goodbye party for a friend at work. It was a very chill day.
I need to explain that life happens. I know that everyone knows this, that life happens and gets in the way of things like regular family emails, sending pictures to loved ones, making time for friends, and updating blogs. I do apologize for it though. So this update is to keep this thing updated. I love this blog, greatly. But this year so far has been hectic to say the least.
It began with a trip to Chicago to see my family and Alan. But this was no ordinary visit home, oh no. It was the visit that involved my dad meeting The Girlfriend. Which turned out fantastically well, but was stressful nonetheless. Three weeks later, I had to drop out of school due to financial difficulties and Emily had her birthday and my mom began going to the hospital for arthritis pain. The next month, my Grandfather died, I moved out of my apartment, moved in to a new place with The Girlfriend and, in the middle of moving The Girlfriend's old apartment to this one, had to make an emergency trip to my mom's neck of the woods when scans from her arthritis pain led to the discovery of ovarian cancer. Some of my other family was spiraling in to their own negativity and it involved my brothers. In April, the move was final and we had to deal with all sorts of maintenance issues, and my mom started chemo. May, things started calming down and then I got slammed with a money/legal issue that I don't care to go in to until it's over, and then, June, I got excited for the nice weather and my mom had a heart attack.
Now, the heart attack's over, I should be back in school by August, I'm settled in to my new home. I'm young and in love, and really, who needs more than that? I know exactly how blessed I am that I have my mom, my girlfriend, my daughter, my dad, and my friends. But. In six months, my life has turned upside down. So I sit at this computer to update things and don't know how to update anything with the lightheartedness that I want this blog to have. And I guess that's it: my life isn't lighthearted all the time. So, readers, I hope you're prepared for honesty. It may not be pretty. But I will begin updating more. I hope that you'll still read, and maybe learn from the things I'm doing in my life.
For now, I need to go lie down.
Goodnight.
Jun 12, 2009
ohmygod the talking.
Emmy: Hey mom our car is white and i love our car because it is white and that truck? That truck over there? It's yellow and I don't like it but if you had a yellow car I'd like it because it would be like the sun but that yellow is like pee-pee hahahahahaha I said pee-pee. Mom I have to go pee but I know I have to wait because we DON'T PEE IN THE CAR and I know better because only babies pee in the car and Momma, I want a sister but I want her to stay cute and like a baby and when she cries you can have her but when she's happy I'll hold her and change her diaper and we BE GENTLE WITH BABIES and Mom, that yellow car really does look like pee. Pee. Pee. PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Pee. Pee. I really have to go peeeee-eeeeee-eeee. But I can wait, Mom, Mom, I'm singing. Can you hear me? It's a song about pee. I'm singing like Hannah Montana because I'm like her look at my sunglasses! They're pink! Hannah would like them and so would her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus because he looooooooves Hannah when she's Hannah or Miley and he would looooooooove me and Momma, why wouldn't you buy me that Hannah cereal? Because it looked really cool and i really reeeeeeeaaaaallly wanted it and you wouldn't buy it and it made me sad like when I fell and got a bloody nose because I was running in the parking lot and WE DON'T RUN IN PARKING LOTS Mom, because we'll fall and get a bloody nose and get hitted by a car and then I'll died and you'll flush me down the toilet and I don't think i'd really like that.
I didn't like when we flushed Charlie (her old fish) down the toilet and now I have Goose and he's such a good fish because he swims and I don't want to flush Goose down the toilet because he's not died and Mom! I'm having a sleepover tomorrow! At the Awesome Neighbors! Because you love me and need grownup time with The Girlfriend and you guys are gonna KISS and HUG and KISS some more because you love her and you love me too Mommy, and why are so many cars yellow? And why can't we go to the park? I know it's windy but I really want to go and maybe tomorrow we can go and tomorrow I'll have breakfast and I want pink yogurt and I want to wear my princess dress when I eat it and Mommy, how old are you? Why is your hair the way it is? I have dark hair and so do you! I love dark hair! It's cool. I don't like light hair. Except on Auntie. Because Auntie is soooo pretty and I miss her and she moveded away and I miss her but those cats of hers kept trying to steal my crayons! And Mommy I want Auntie to come sleep over because I love her and we can do hair pretties and she lets me eat all the fruit snacks, but I have to LEARN TO SAY NO to the candy all because it makes my tummy hurt and I threw up at Walmart and The Girlfriend had to buy me a new shirt and I was smelly and no one wanted to be near me because I was smelly because I ate too much candy so I have to say no. Right Mommy?
Me: Um, yes. Too much candy makes you sick and-
Emmy: I know. It hurts my tummy and doesn't give me muscles. My vitamins give me muscles and they taste so yummy and I want a vitamin right now because they're good for me and I love them. Mommy, why is my carseat pink? I love pink. But purple's my favorite. And I like green because you do and Mommy? When will we be home? When we get home I want to go play in my room and listen to music and read my books and I want to dance around all crazy because I'm a kid and I can because I'm a kid and that's what kids can do but not grownups because grownups have to make money and you can't make money dancing, can you?
Me: Um...
Emmy: If i could make money dancing then I TOTALLY WOULD because it's soo much fun and it makes my body feel crazy and I love the music and Mommy? Can we listen to No One because I want to SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGG.
And I promptly turned on Alicia Keys and cranked the volume. The talking OHMYGOD with the WORDS and the moving of the mouth and the talking, she talks, the talker with all the talking, yes, she belongs to me and OHMYGOD SHE'S STILL TALKING.
I didn't like when we flushed Charlie (her old fish) down the toilet and now I have Goose and he's such a good fish because he swims and I don't want to flush Goose down the toilet because he's not died and Mom! I'm having a sleepover tomorrow! At the Awesome Neighbors! Because you love me and need grownup time with The Girlfriend and you guys are gonna KISS and HUG and KISS some more because you love her and you love me too Mommy, and why are so many cars yellow? And why can't we go to the park? I know it's windy but I really want to go and maybe tomorrow we can go and tomorrow I'll have breakfast and I want pink yogurt and I want to wear my princess dress when I eat it and Mommy, how old are you? Why is your hair the way it is? I have dark hair and so do you! I love dark hair! It's cool. I don't like light hair. Except on Auntie. Because Auntie is soooo pretty and I miss her and she moveded away and I miss her but those cats of hers kept trying to steal my crayons! And Mommy I want Auntie to come sleep over because I love her and we can do hair pretties and she lets me eat all the fruit snacks, but I have to LEARN TO SAY NO to the candy all because it makes my tummy hurt and I threw up at Walmart and The Girlfriend had to buy me a new shirt and I was smelly and no one wanted to be near me because I was smelly because I ate too much candy so I have to say no. Right Mommy?
Me: Um, yes. Too much candy makes you sick and-
Emmy: I know. It hurts my tummy and doesn't give me muscles. My vitamins give me muscles and they taste so yummy and I want a vitamin right now because they're good for me and I love them. Mommy, why is my carseat pink? I love pink. But purple's my favorite. And I like green because you do and Mommy? When will we be home? When we get home I want to go play in my room and listen to music and read my books and I want to dance around all crazy because I'm a kid and I can because I'm a kid and that's what kids can do but not grownups because grownups have to make money and you can't make money dancing, can you?
Me: Um...
Emmy: If i could make money dancing then I TOTALLY WOULD because it's soo much fun and it makes my body feel crazy and I love the music and Mommy? Can we listen to No One because I want to SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGG.
And I promptly turned on Alicia Keys and cranked the volume. The talking OHMYGOD with the WORDS and the moving of the mouth and the talking, she talks, the talker with all the talking, yes, she belongs to me and OHMYGOD SHE'S STILL TALKING.
Jun 10, 2009
The Last Two Weekends, In Pictures.
I was inspired by one of my favorite blogs (flotsamblog.com), so am jumpstarting my post about the lake (and I know, I KNOW it was two weeks ago. I know. Remember that thing i said about deadlines? Yes? Ok.) by posting pictures. I am also posting a few pictures from camping last weekend.
So.
The Lake:
Of course the pictures aren't in any accurate order, and I had to not post most of them, because Emily's running around in her swimsuit. And while I'm all about blogging, I'm also from Chicago. And to me, you just don't post half-naked pictures of any children over a year. So, sorry.
So the lake was two weekends ago, and this last weekend, we went camping with the Awesome Neighbors to celebrate a birthday. Camping:
Ok. Time to go lie down on the couch and eat a hershey's hug. My uterus is in the process of falling out of my vagina, and it's a little exhausting.
So.
The Lake:
Of course the pictures aren't in any accurate order, and I had to not post most of them, because Emily's running around in her swimsuit. And while I'm all about blogging, I'm also from Chicago. And to me, you just don't post half-naked pictures of any children over a year. So, sorry.
So the lake was two weekends ago, and this last weekend, we went camping with the Awesome Neighbors to celebrate a birthday. Camping:
Ok. Time to go lie down on the couch and eat a hershey's hug. My uterus is in the process of falling out of my vagina, and it's a little exhausting.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)